


If You Loved Me (Why'd You Leave Me?)

by kingwrites



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, Homophobia, Mentions of past abuse, Physical Abuse, Trigger Warnings, Verbal Abuse, conversion therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 05:30:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14181885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingwrites/pseuds/kingwrites
Summary: Chery's pov during her time w/ the Sisters of Quiet Mercy (few things changed for future part of this two shot)





	If You Loved Me (Why'd You Leave Me?)

**Author's Note:**

> its been a while since i posted so im making this angsty thing a two shot

The redheaded girl curled up into a ball the second the nuns left the room. She refused to show them that she was hurting, that she wasn’t fine. Even now she didn’t want her mask to break. For it to leave her open and bare to more people who will ruin her more. 

 

She hooked her arms over her knees, silently crying into her body. The last thing she needed was for the nuns to hear her and do God knows what with her. She was terrified, yet she couldn’t stop crying. The tears were just worsened by the fear. 

 

At some point she stopped crying and she just laid there, thinking. Thinking about her friends. Or really the people she wished she could call her friends. Deep down she knew that none of them wanted her friendship. Except for Toni.

 

Her pink haired friend was always the one exception in her life. She showed it time after time and they had been friend for not even a month. The first time being when she actually wanted her company. Actually wanted to talk to her. Actually cared about what she was doing.

 

It actually killed Cheryl to think about Toni and wonder if she knew where she was. Or if she even cared that the redhead had just disappeared. There was no way to know, but she liked the thought that her Serpent friend had noticed.

 

Eventually she fell asleep with the thought of Toni. The thought of what she would do if she ever saw her again. It actually surprised her how easily she accepted what she would do to her. Even if it terrified her more, but for other reasons.

 

The next morning she was roughly woken up by one of the nun, the same one that held her down the previous night. She was dragged into the dinning hall and forced to eat some grey substance they called food.

 

After that they forced her back to her room to “clean herself up”. No one would see her but the awful people who were somehow nuns didn’t think she look ladylike. In hindsight it did feel good to wash of the days old makeup and tear stains. 

 

Once she had finished cleaning up Cheryl sat down on the bed, opening the book they had left her. She knew they would be back eventually, but she didn’t want to think about it. So she threw herself into the shitty, homophobic book they left her.

 

Whenever she read it she tried to forget the obvious message in the book. Because it had taken so much strength to admit her sexuality to herself again. Then to finally tell someone, she didn’t want to go back to how she was.

 

It was one of the mant weights finally lifted off her shoulders. Not completely gone but lightened. No longed crushing her like so many other things that had over the past years. All of it built up in a way over the past few years. 

 

The nuns, or just nun, came back when she was on her second read through of the book. In all honesty, the redhead couldn’t tell how much time had passed. Yet, it felt longer than an eternity.

 

“It’s time for your dinner, darling, you will come right away.” The old woman had said, the fake sweetness pouring out of her voice. Her hands were clasped and she was giving Cheryl a stern look. 

 

Barely glancing up from the awful book the redhead shook her head. “I’m not hungry.” She stated, just because she was here doesn’t mean she was going to start eating again.

 

A scary nun wasn’t going to make her eat, make her fat as her mother always said. It’s why she subtly stopped eating at school, not that there was anyone to notice she was. It was why her only real meals were when she had company over, so it didn’t look bad. 

 

The nun just frowned at her, losing all the sick sweetness in her features. Raising her hand she connected her hand with Cheryl’s cheek. It stung but the redhead wasn’t going to give in. That was one thing she refused to do with the nuns.

 

“You are coming to the dining hall, young lady.” The nun said sternly, raising her hand again. Cheryl knew it was just in case but she stilled flinched. So used to it with her mother, and her father. 

 

This time the young girl didn’t refuse, just standing up and looking at the nun. She felt the sting of her hand connecting with her cheek again, but kept her face neutral. 

 

Roughly grabbing her hand the nun drug her out of the room scolding her the whole way. It didn’t get to Cheryl the same way it usually did. For some reason, it was so much worse whenever her mother did it. She hated her mother, but her words affected her more than she wanted. 

 

When dinner time was over she went back to her cold room. There was no blanket and then window had a hole it, letting the cold spring air filter into the room.

 

Laying down on the bed she once again curled into a ball. That night she cried herself to sleep again, just like the previous night and the night to come. It had only been a day but it had been one of the hardest in her life.

 

It was the same thing the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that. Finally when he body was bruised and her soul was broken, the redhead gave into them. She stop resisting what they said, but kept some of the sass.

 

Once she had started listening to the things the nuns made her do they were slightly nicer. Well no they weren’t, but they let her go to movie night. Which was nice because it was the one thing that would let her truly forget everything going on.

 

The first night they had allowed her to see the movies she remembered the drive in. Specifically the night she had spent there with Veronica and Kevin. It was the first time she tried to reach out to someone after Jason.

 

Her only problem was that she didn’t know how to express herself. To talk about things. She never wanted to seem broken so she tried to get Veronica or Kevin to notice. It reminded her so much of the only two people who were as close to friends as she was going to get. 

 

That night was the first time that she cried for them, no longer holding it in until she got into her room. She knew she would get yelled at or hit for it but she couldn’t help it, they just kept falling. 

 

Eventually the movie nights were the only thing that Cheryl could look forward to anymore. It was the only time she got to cry without getting yelled at. The only time she could enjoy herself, just a little. The only time the sisters wouldn’t lay a hand on her. 

 

With her new safe place, if you could call it that, the redhead stopped resisting as much. Because she knew if she pissed the nuns off there would be no more movie night. No more safe place.

 

Things turned into a routine after that. Breakfast, reading, therapy, chores, dinner, movie. As awful as the place was if felt nice to have a routine. To have some kind of know in her life.

 

Cheryl was able to keep her routine for a week or so before she did something to make the nuns mad again. It wasn’t like she was doing anything wrong when she talked about her Nana. Everything she said had been true.Yet here she was, doing some kind of “physical therapy” in the dark basement on the facility. 

 

Pulling the heavy bag to the counter the redhead tried to stay strong, refusing to let any tears fall. She just couldn’t. Not when she knew one of the nuns could and would come back at anytime. 

 

She wiped away the sweat and the water, the ceiling dripping on her the whole time. From what she could guess she had been at this for hours already, almost done with the whole stack. That’s when the nun had to come and check on her. 

 

“Tsk. Tsk. Still not listening I see.” Her cold voice echoed around the nearly empty basement as she looked at Cheryl. The nun’s eyed were filled with a wicked glint, locking them with her.

 

Looking up from her hardwork the redhead frowned deeply, not caring what the nun thought of it. “What do you mean?” She asked, trying her best to hide the confusion in her voice. 

 

“Start over, I told you to put those in the north-west corner of the basement not the south-west.” Sister Cathy told her, pointing to the corner on the other side of the dimly lighted basement. “Start over.”

 

The redhead stared at her, mouth hanging agap. “B-but you told me southwest.” She got out, which only angered the nun, a lot.

 

“Don’t talk back.” Sister Cathy walked over to her and slapped her, hard. Once Cheryl had stumbled away to move the bags again the white haired woman spoke again. “If you finish in time, you can have movie night.”

 

With that the nun left, leaving Cheryl with some new found motivation. She was sure that she wasn’t going to get movie night, and now she got that.

 

This time all the bags were moved in a record time for her, so that she could get her release. She cleaned herself up, as the nuns instructed, and went to join in on the movie. She sat down in the cue, her long red hair falling over her shoulders carelessly. 

 

As always the girl immerses herself in the film, imaging her friends in the parts of the people. Today’s films is less enjoyable than usual, her thoughts constantly floating back to a pink haired Serpent. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, the thought kept coming back to her. The thought of the girl she had come to  _ love  _ even in the short time they had known each other. 

 

What made it so much worse is when she imagined her voice.  _ Cheryl! _ It rang out like she was really there, but the redhead knew she wasn’t there. There was no way in hell that Toni had found out where she was. It just couldn’t be true. 

 

When she imagined he voice a second time she let a small tear fall down her chee. For some reason it was more painful to imagine the Serpent looking for her, compared to all the other time’s she had imagined her. Maybe it was because she knew that it wasn’t true, and that Toni probably didn’t even notice that she had gone missing. 

 

The third time she heard the familiar voice was accompanied by the owner of the voice running through the door. Cheryl didn’t know what to do when she saw this, still not sure if she was imagining it or not. Either way she stood up and ran over to her, almost tackling the small girl when she hugged her. 

 

Yup, she was definitely real. Which met she had to keep the promise to herself that she had made weeks ago. The second she pulled away from the hug, she cupped Toni’s face and softly kissed her.

It felt  _ right _ , like it was supposed to be this way. Kissing the pink haired girl was better than she could ever dream of. Better than all the football players she had kissed when she was feeling lonely. It was, by far, the best damn kiss of her life. 

**Author's Note:**

> as always hmu on tumblr @tonixcheryl and leave a kudos/comment i u liked


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